What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 08:17
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But ive been too sick for many years..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Dental experts reveal 6 essential tips to prevent tooth loss in aging adults - AOL.com
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was very sick at this time too.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Are British people in awe when someone from the United States visits their country?
She married twice! .
What did i know ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
First Galaxy Buds Core image reveals a lack of premium design - SamMobile
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She found it foreign!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What's the difference between a zero shot, a few shot, and a chain of thought prompting?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why do I want to be caught sucking dick by my wife?
I think the readers, may guess!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Climate Disasters Hit the Brain Before Babies Are Even Born, Study Suggests - Gizmodo
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Notes and quotes from Day 2 of Raiders' 2025 mandatory minicamp - Las Vegas Raiders
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Comes on , in middle age.
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He knew the spot.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I have no regrets .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She loved him until the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My family never makes their pension either.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
All the time i was locked up.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Put me off passion for life!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She wouldn,t have been !
Who then, do I blame.?
But it wasn’t much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was 9 years of age.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were not on the streets..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot live in the past .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
This is soul school!.
I write beautiful poetry .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i lived it daily.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I never cut or harmed myself..
We all went to grammer schools
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I will be 64.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.